Tender times
After closing my webshop in March, I had thought I might have time to write here occasionally, but it simply wasn’t meant to be. My mother’s needs have required much time and emotional energy, and there were a few other family challenges, as well. When I wasn’t “peopling”, I was in my garden, walking in my beloved woods, or simply sitting quietly on the porch. It seems we are in a calmer spell now, and I am grateful.
Settling my mother into memory care proved to be incredibly challenging. She was so angry. As the weeks passed, Mom’s descent into dementia was breathtakingly fast. She began having hallucinations; visions of strange people coming into her room to accost her or use the bathroom, windows (that can only slide open 4” with effort) blowing wide open in non-existent storms, water running down the walls and dripping from light fixtures. At times, in her distress she would call my brother and/or I ten to twenty times a day. Memories began disappearing in chunks and her behavior with her aides was sometimes alarming.
Mom’s symptoms and rapid decline were not consistent with anything I had read about Alzheimers, and medications that had been prescribed seemed to not be helping to calm her or relieve the debilitating anxiety and hallucinations, in fact, symptoms worsened. During a phone visit with her primary care physician, the possibility that Mom’s dementia was not actually Alzheimers was discussed, and a referral to a specialist in geriatric care and dementia was given. What a delight and godsend is this new doctor. She told me that it is likely my mother has Lewy Body Dementia, and a different pharmaceutical protocol was called for. After only one week on new medications, my mother is now sleeping more peacefully, she is calmer, less anxious, and is more amenable with family and aides. While her memories continue to slip away quickly, her sense of humor has resurfaced and she is once again finding pleasure and beauty in life. I no longer hold my breath when I go to visit.
As sad as this all sounds, there have been moments both funny and sweet. You really have to embrace the good times. During a mani/pedi appointment Mom was quite chatty. Sitting on her throne, she reminisced a little about her siblings, and then asked me if I had siblings. I said, yes, I had two brothers. “How nice,” she replied. What are their names? David and Mark, your sons actually. She exclaimed, “My sons?” I said, “Yes, you have three children, Dave, Mark, and me.” She looked at the manicurist and back at me, smiled and said, “How lovely.”
More recently, Mom asked me if she had been married. I replied, “Oh, yes, you were married for over 65 years to a wonderful man, John Shotwell.” She said with surprise, “My John?” “Yes!” I replied. She shook her head in amazement, saying “How can I not remember that?” I told her the mind does the strangest things sometimes. She nodded in agreement, and I proceeded to tell her part of her sweet story….
Once upon a time, there was a petite, curly haired young elevator operator at Best’s Apparel in downtown Seattle. Nearly every morning she worked, a slender young man with beautiful eyes and generous smile boarded her elevator. They would chat for a few moments as she ferried him up to the top floor where he would deliver a tray with coffee and the morning paper to Mr. Best…..
And the rest is my history, too.